Woman sues boyfriend for wasting her time
The biggest development in a healthy relationship is its culmination into marriage after years or months of courting. However, there are some people who like to take things slow and not rush into the institution of marriage.
While some partners are patient enough to wait for a few years, not all see long-term the same way.
So what are we getting into? A bizarre, or one-of-a-kind, repercussion of a long-term relationship.
A woman has sued her boyfriend for wasting her time and not proposing marriage after eight years of dating.
Gertrude Ngoma had been dating Herbert Salaliki for over eight years with the latter promising marriage without at an undecided time in the future. But recently, she grew fed up with that eventuality and has decided to take things to court.
The year-old woman told a court in Zambia that she feels her partner is not serious about their relationship, according to a report by Tuko. "He has never been serious, that is why I bought him to court because I deserve to know the way forward and our future," Gertrude was quoted as saying.
Interestingly, the couple has a child and the boyfriend has reportedly even handled dowry payment. However, he doesn't have the finances for a wedding.
As the two people aren't married, the presiding judge couldn't do much and advised that reconciliation was the best way to take things forward.
A few months back, a woman from Sambhal district of Uttar Pradesh sought a divorce from her husband on the grounds that he loves her too much and doesn't fight with her.
According to reports, the woman had approached Sharia court for divorce just 18 months after her marriage.
The Sharia court cleric was baffled when the woman gave the reason for seeking a divorce. The cleric later rejected her plea calling it frivolous. According to a report in Hindi daily Dainik Jagran, when the cleric refused to decide on the plea, the matter reached the local panchayat which also expressed its inability to decide on the matter.
(Closed) Dating for 8 years, still no proposal
The relationship is honestly great; sex and all. I really feel like weve come a long way, and have grown tremendously together.
We both have careers. I work from home as a web admin/webmaster. And hes a programmer/consultant for an tech company. Weve spent a lot of our focus on our careers. Financially we are good. No debt.
Our communication has its moments, but I feel overall there isnt anything I cant really talk to him about. And believe me, I have talked to him about this, I just feel that he already has a lot on his plate, and I hate adding to it, when I know the answer is always the same. Hes comforting and wonderful, but as the time has gone on, no question has been popped.
Sometimes I feel like hes close, but I also feel this opposite feeling, almost a pull in the other direction. Like hes fighting it almost; not sure if that makes sense.
Someone asked how old I was when my parents divorced. I was 4, and I dont remember them being together at all; not a single memory. My mom has since remarried a wonderful man; my step-dad, and hes been around since I was 5.
My bfs parents went through fidelity issues after many many years of marriage and divorced I believe when he was 17; I want to say, but maybe a year older.
Its odd, but I honestly dont know if marriage is a dealbreaker for me. I love him pretty unconditionally. I cant begin to tell you the things weve been through. Weve grown so much together, and I want to continue to grow with him forever. I want to be his support in all things; and have been through several business ventures, and I want him to be mine; and he has. I admire his tenacity and his love for life. He has guided me through some very rough times, and I have him. I feel like we make a great team and I want to build on that. All things expressed before. I promise, we arent shy with our feelings, and he isnt quick to sugarcoat.Reply
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Does It Matter How Long You've Been Together Before Getting Engaged?
Whether you’ve been officially dating “the one” for a few months or the better part of the last decade, you might be wondering how you’ll know when you’ve entered the “sweet spot,” that is the right time to get engaged. When folks on your Facebook feed start flaunting a diamond ring after seeing someone for under a year, while high school sweethearts you know stay ringless for decades, it’s no surprise you’re confused. And experts agree that there is no magic number. “There are some couples who know on the first date that they’ve found the one and get engaged quickly, while others take the time to get to know someone well before putting a ring on it,” says online dating expert and digital matchmaker Julie Spira.
Spira is of the opinion, however, that a couple should go through all seasons together at the very least so that they surpass the honeymoon stage before determining whether or not to stay together for life. “Everyone puts their best foot forward during the courting stage, which is typically the first three months of the relationship,” she says. “When your relationship is brand new, you haven’t gone through the bumps on the road together, traveled on vacation together, or gone through a traumatic event such as the death of a family member or loss of a job.”
Dawn Michael, Ph.D., clinical sexologist, relationship expert, and author of My Husband Won't Have Sex With Me, takes things one step further, adding that the more time a couple gets to know each other before marriage is key to having a lasting union. “Each couple is different depending on age and circumstances, but a reasonable amount of time to be engaged is one to three years,” she says.
Each couple is different depending on age and circumstances, but a reasonable amount of time to be engaged is one to three years.
Research supports this theory. One study published by researchers at Emory University in Atlanta found that couples who’d been together at least three years before they got engaged were 39 percent less likely to get divorced than couples who got engaged within the first year of dating.
Clearly, time is on a couple’s side when it comes to the longevity of their marriage. But experts agree, there’s more to a happy marriage than just years spent side-by-side. Here, they share the most fundamental aspects of a relationship that matter the most when determining whether a future marriage will last.
How You Communicate and Resolve Conflict
According to Grant H. Brenner, M.D., co-author of Irrelationship: How We Use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy, couples that have the tools to address the inevitable challenges marriage presents will not only be able to stay together but enjoy themselves more. Dr. Michael agrees, adding that how a couple resolves their disagreements is one of the biggest factors in determining whether or not they will be able to resolve issues in their marriage. “Do they get in nasty fights? Does it ultimately get resolved? Does one person bully the other person? Does one person push [the] problem under the carpet? Is one person passive-aggressive?” she asks. “The idea is to know that couples will disagree, but how the disagreement is handled and resolved is what matters.”
Your Shared Interests and Values
While couples don’t have to have all the same interests, Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., L.M.F.T., founder of Coaching Through Chaos, says they should share some, as well as a shared value system. This includes being on the same page in regards to what family means to you, spiritual beliefs, etc. “You don’t have to have the same religious beliefs, but if you are a devout Christian and your beloved is an atheist, that might lead to some complicated situations,” she says. “It comes down to having enough similarities in what you hold dear to your heart on how you live in the world that is important.”
How You Handle Finances
The manner in which you and your significant other are able to save, spend, and handle bills is another important factor. “If one is a shopaholic and the other wants to save for the future, a discussion on a family budget is imperative,” says Spira. “Many marriages dissolve due to financial problems, so having a savings and retirement plan from the onset is critical for a successful marriage.”
Your Level of Sexual Satisfaction
Experts agree that a healthy and active sex life is an integral part of a happy and healthy marriage—at any age. “Married couples who make the effort to keep their sex life good are likely to enjoy greater relationship satisfaction,” says Dr. Brenner.
One way Dr. Brenner recommends couples ensure better sex is to talk about sex in detail—what couples want from sex, from one another, what they like, what they don't like—including specific instructions during sex for what feels the best.
How You Balance Work and Family Life
Ensuring that both of you make your marriage and family life a priority over work is another key to a happy, long marriage. “More often than not, a marriage has two working spouses to keep up with living expenses,” says Spira. “If one of you decides to be the breadwinner, while the other watches the household and children, take the time to discuss how you will spend your time when you’re not working.”
The bottom line: Marriage is hard work. While you might not be able to measure marital success on a scale in terms of time, the same effort (and tons of it) has to be there if two people intend to stay married for life. This won’t always be easy, experts say. “As you go through life, your relationship will need emotional touch-ups, but it should not have emotional struggles or overhauls that last for years,” adds Dr. Mullen. If you’re not able to resolve and make updates in an emotionally efficient way, she suggests seeking out relationship counseling so that a professional can see where the broken beam lies and help you repair it before you decide you need to tear it down and rebuild from scratch.
Brides takes every opportunity to use high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial guidelines to learn more about how we keep our content accurate, reliable and trustworthy.
These Are The Real Reasons Your Long-Term Boyfriend Hasn't Proposed Yet
There's no rulebook or strategy when it comes to dating someone and knowing the right time to finally pop the question and seal the deal with them.
You could date for three months before getting a burn in your stomach that lets you know to hold onto this person because they are the best you're ever going to get. You could date for six years and feel too chill about making any sudden move to promise them a lifetime together forever.
Since there's no right time, right place or right moment in a relationship for a boyfriend to ask his SO if they are in it to win it, how do you know when to do it?
Some guys don't. Instead, some boyfriends in long-term relationships don't have the urge to pop any question except, “where do you want to eat for dinner tonight?”
If you're wondering why that could be, check out what these 10 guys confess are the reasons why they haven't asked their long-term girlfriends to marry them.
1. I'm not really ready.
I've been with my girl for four years now. It seems like a really long time. It is. But I'm not sure I'm ready to get married right now and take things to the next level. We are both only 24 so it's weird to me that we'd be married before we could even rent a car.
-- Brendon W., 24
2. Why complicate things?
I've seen what marriage does to relationships. All my friends from college got married in their twenties. They all found such sweet girls and then when they got married to them, everything got stale and lame. Marriage made things harder for them. I love my girlfriend. We've been together since , which is a long time and everything, but I just don't want to ruin the good stuff we have with marriage like they did.
-- John F., 35
3. The perfect moment will come.
I want to get married but I haven't figured out how to propose. I want that moment to be perfect. I want it to be in a way that she wants. But every time I get close to setting a date to do it and planning how I am going to do it, I freak out and decide to procrastinate. That's what it is. I'm procrastinating because I'm a little nervous I'll screw the whole thing up.
-- Matty J., 28
4. I don't have time or money.
Weddings are expensive and take up so much time to put together. It's like we've already lived together for over three years now and we're just trying to work hard at our own careers that we, or I at least, feel like a wedding right now would just be such a stressor on ourselves and our bank accounts.
-- Kyle P., 29
5. I'm kind of keeping my options open.
I've been in a long relationship with my girlfriend for close to three years now. I love her, don't get me wrong. But a part of me, a very small part, is kind of keeping my options open. Like, I don't know for sure if she's the one and I don't want to get a divorce later on. If, in a few years from now, I'm percent sure she's the girl forever, I'll make it official.
-- Scott B., 26
6. She's not into the idea of marriage.
It's weird with us because I'm all about getting married but my girlfriend is not about that at all. She's pretty beat up from her parent's recent divorce, so about a year into our relationship she made it clear that marriage is not on her cards and that I shouldn't even bother proposing.
-- Vinny N., 25
7. IDK, I haven't thought about it.
Everyone asks me this question about when I'm going to propose. The truth is, I don't know. I never think about it. I just like being girlfriend/boyfriend. Maybe if she tries to break up with me or give me a marriage ultimatum, I'll propose. But until then, it just doesn't cross my mind ever, unless someone asks.
-- Tom S., 27
8. We're still in an LDR.
We've been dating for four years but three of those years have been her living in Toronto and me living in California. I don't see marriage in our cards until we at least live in the same country.
-- Gregg L., 28
9. None of my bros are married.
I know a lot of people in the South rush into marriage in their early twenties but my friends and I are all in our late twenties and from New Jersey. None of us are married. I'm the only one with a long-term girlfriend. It's just not something we're looking to do in our twenties. Maybe it's something I'll think seriously about when I'm in my thirties.
-- Brett H., 28
I don't see the point.
Why does marriage make a relationship official? I've been with my girlfriend for six years and I've been living with her for four. We have a great relationship and we both don't see the point in getting married because we know nothing will change.
-- Landon B., 32
For years dating 8
Woman sues boyfriend for failing to propose after 8 years of dating
Digital dating terms you should know
In today's digital dating world, communicating clearly can sometimes get lost in translation. That's why new relationship terms have taken on a life of their own. Here are 5 new dating terms you should know.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
A Zambian woman took her beau to court for failing to pop the question after eight years of dating, though the judge ruled that all’s fair in love and war.
Gertrude Ngoma of Ndola got so fed up that her longtime love, Herbert Salaliki, hadn’t proposed — after previously promising they’d get engaged — that she recently took her man to court, Mwebantu reports. The couple have been dating for nearly a decade, and share a child together.
“Your honor, he has never been serious that is why I bought him to court because I deserve to know the way forward and my future with him,” the plaintiff plead. (iStock)
TINDER REVEALS MOST POPULAR TRENDS IN ITS ‘YEAR IN SWIPE’
“Your honor, he has never been serious that is why I bought him to court because I deserve to know the way forward and my future with him,” she reportedly complained. In another shot to the heart, Ngoma alleged that Salaliki had been texting another woman, too.
Making his own case, Salaliki argued that his partner never paid attention to him because she lived with her parents, straining their communication. The year-old man claimed he did want to marry his year-old girlfriend, but he wasn’t in the financial position to afford a wedding, per Tuko.
Despite the plaintiff’s plea, judge Evelyn Nalwize told Ngoma there wasn’t much she could do because she was not legally wed to her beau.
MAN FINED FOR VIOLATING CORONAVIRUS LOCKDOWN RULES DURING MILE WALK, FOLLOWING FIGHT WITH WIFE
Nalwize, the presiding magistrate, instead advised the woman to sue for breach of marriage contract and further advised her that the court could not do anything because there was no marriage, even though a dowry was paid.
The story caused a sensation when it hit the newspaper’s Facebook page, with thousands of commenters sharing advice from the heart.
“Ladies a serious man cannot take more than a year to figure out if you are the one,” one critic clapped. “Learn to spot time wasters.”
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‘Why [was she] staying 8 years? The woman was not serious as well,” another echoed.
Swerving Cupid’s arrow, another jokester hoped his own girlfriend wouldn’t see the headline – or he’d be in similar trouble.
“Aaaaa I think I will be sued too, I pray she doesn't see this,” he teased.
CLICK HERE FOR FOX NEWS' CONTINUING CORONAVIRUS COVERAGE
Janine Puhak is an editor for Fox News Lifestyle.
I just heard about a young woman who ended a 10 year relationship with her college sweetheart. She wanted to get married. He just couldnt commit. I was shocked. Ten years.
It reminds me of the movie Hes Just Not That Into You where Jennifer Aniston finally breaks up with her boyfriend of 7 years (Ben Affleck) after he tells her that he doesnt want to marry. That story has a happy ending, when Ben overcomes his nuptial fears and proposes to Jennifer. Real life stories usually dont end so well.
I know that what Im about to tell you is probably going to be really harmful to a lot of women, but I believe in being totally honest with my readers, so here goes.
I personally know several couples who dated for five years or more and finally did get married (and are still happily married).
Why is this harmful?
Because I might have just given women stuck in dead end relationships which will never lead to marriage the false hope that they too will be one of those success stories, and the motivation (or excuse) to hang in their for another couple of years (or more).
Ladies, before you get too excited let me tell you two things about those success stories:
1. The women involved went through hell for years.
I can only imagine the frustration and pain they constantly had to suffer as year after year flew by with nothing more to show for than some I love yous and promises of impending engagement, as they watched their friends walk down the wedding aisle one by one. Can you handle that pain, day after day, for years?
2. The women eventually gave their men a choice: marry me or lose me.
And they were serious. They cut their guys off, cold turkey, no making up, getting back together, trying again. No more. It worked.
Learn your lesson from these gals. If youre in a relationship with a man who is unable to ask for your hand in marriage, you have two choices:
1. hang in there and hope he comes to his senses.
2. break up with him.
If you choose curtain option number one, you will join the legions of frustrated and disappointed who have made the same choice, and eventually find yourself back on the dating scene, scarred, bitter, and several years older competing against a whole new crop of young, bubbly, playmates. If you are in your mid thirties, staying in a dead end relationship could be socially, and maternally, suicidal.
Click Here for Dating Help
My advice is to choose option two and break up.
Yes its scary. What happens if he doesnt come back? Well, I hate to tell you this, but if he doesnt come back he would never have married you anyway.
How long does it take a man to know he wants to marry you?
Thats a tough question to answer because every person, and every relationship, is different. For some guys the magic number is a few as 3 to 6 months. For others it might be a year or more.
After a year, a guy should have a pretty good idea of who you are and whether he wants to be with you for the long haul. There might be extenuating circumstances why hes not ready to pop the questions, but he should know if the required feelings are there or not.
What if he just needs more time? (more than the baseline youve set)
Set a time frame that is reasonable for YOU. Unless the guy is in the middle of med school (or the equivalent), he shouldnt need more than 6 months to at least make a very clear commitment to marry you in the near future. If it doesnt happen by your one year anniversary, Id say its time to go on now go, walk out the door.
Being engaged for years is no solution either. I cant see a good reason to be engaged for more than a few months or for as long as it takes to plan your perfect wedding. More about long engagements coming soon.
So how long is too long?
I think anything over a year. If you cant get clarity by then, chances are extremely high that it will never happen. And by the way, the same applies to guys dating girls that wont commit. If a woman cant commit to marrying you now, she almost definitely never will.
How long do you think is too long? Have you been in a long relationship that ended well? Badly? You can share your thoughts in the comments section below.
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